10 Lies About Pornography

My son is six months old, and that can be scary. There are so many things I want to protect him from. One of the most harmful is pornography. Here is my letter to him of the ten lies that people tell about pornography. If he can detect these lies, he will be better able to protect himself.

Lie #1: Everyone will See Pornography

This is a lie that lots of people tell. Some people tell this lie so they don’t have to feel bad about watching pornography, others tell the lie to convince society to be more accepting of pornography, still other well meaning people will tell you this because they think this will prepare you better for the real world. Not everyone watches pornography and not everyone will see pornography. Recent research says that 28% of teens see porn that they didn’t want to see. And that number is going down. This is still a big problem but it’s a long way from 100%. We no longer live in the days where we are victims to internet popups.  Internet filters are good, and they’re getting better. And I’ll do everything I can to make our computer safe. And doing things like going to church are proven to reduce the chance of seeing porn. But you know what percent of teens see porn that want to see it? Probably 100%. It’s too easy to find. And you’re going to be too smart for me to prevent you. The only way for us to help you never see porn is to work together. But we can do it. Don’t give up just because you think seeing pornography is inevitable. Do everything you can to try and prevent it.

Lie #2: Good Members of the Church Have Never Seen Porn

There is only one unforgivable sin, and watching porn isn’t it. You may be one of those who does see pornography accidentally. In this case, you’ll be judged on how you respond. There’s no need to freak out, just close the window, and go on with your day. There’s also a chance that at some point you’ll seek out porn. That would be a really stupid choice. But we all make really stupid choices sometimes. You already know this about me from when I forgot to change your diaper for eight hours last week. So if watching porn is one of the bad decisions you make, don’t try to hide it. There’s a good chance you’ve had bishops, primary presidents, teachers, or choristers, who at one point or another made the decision to watch porn. But they felt bad about it, fixed it with the Lord and the bishop, and moved on with life. You can too.

Lie #3: Pornography is Harmless

If you ever do see porn–for whatever reason–you can’t just let it go. Don’t think that you can deal with it between just you and the Lord. Some people still claim that pornography is perfectly harmless. They are wrong and ignoring the evidence. Porn is exceptionally harmful in a long list of ways.

1. Porn use floods your brain with dopamine. Over time, your brain acclimates to a  higher level of dopamine. That means that when you try to do non-porn activities like go to work you feel sad. That’s right. Porn will, over time, literally sap the joy from your life.
2. It will make your sex life weird and messed up. Over time those who watch porn choose to watch things more and more extreme and abnormal. Those people are then more likely to try those things in their own life. And I’m not talking about having a fun and adventurous sex life, I’m talking about things like sexual violence and bestiality.
3. It destroys the way you see women. The more men watch porn, the weaker and and less equal they see women as. Considering that God has told us men and women are equal, that’s a big problem.
4. It’ll make you think you’re ugly.
5. Your sex life will be less satisfying. And I’d include a link, but I already found 5 studies to link to, and I couldn’t pick.
6. Porn will make you feel lonelier.

And those are only the harms it causes to you. We haven’t even gotten to how it hurts your family, your spouse, and the performers. Saying “Porn is harmless” is a barefaced lie.

Lie #4: Pornography is realistic

The more people watch pornography the more normal they think it is. This is a terrible lie, because it’s one porn users tell themselves. Honestly, pornography is as realistic as Harry Potter. I mean it’s a movie. If they can make people look like Goblins, I’m pretty sure they can make the women prettier than they really are. And a typical 45 minute porn film takes three weeks to film. Three weeks to make what looks like one passionate night. It’s movie magic. Which is fine when you’re trying to tell a story about wizards and broomsticks that no one will ever believe. But when it’s porn, which people do believe, it’s a big problem.

Lie #5: Pornography helps liberate women

There are literally those with the audacity to claim that pornography is good for feminism. I wish I could explain their point of view for you to understand, but frankly it’s so tangled and hypocrisy filled, I’d struggle to communicate it. Hurting women does not help them–ever. And pornography hurts women. Pornography physically and psychologically hurts the women who perform in it, the women who watch it, and women in relationships with those who watch it. Lie #6-Pornography is good for marriage Some people have become so deluded they believe pornography is good for marriage! Myth #6-Pornography is not addictive http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201305/porn-is-not-the-problem-you-are Myth #7-Watching pornography is part of growing up “Becoming a real man” http://wonderwoman.intoday.in/story/The-Cosmo-Girl’s-guide-to-pornography/1/83662.html Myth #8-Watching pornography reduces violent crime Myth #9-Watching porn will improve your future sex life Myth #10-There’s something wrong with your sexual desire

Or maybe not. Is pornland really such a nice place to be? Far from nailing a lie isn’t porn selling a lie: that women are always eager and willing to engage in extreme practices, that bodies are always tanned and buffed, breasts always pert, orgasms always explosive? Isn’t this a recipe for frustration and disappointment? And to attract the restless voyeur, porn is always having to up the ante – cyber-sex is getting ever harsher, more degrading, more extreme.

Salute it? Why? When all intimacy is reduced to heave and thrust what scope is left for sensitivity and tolerance and love? And what kind of a warped, desensitised view of the world of human intimacy does this offer up to our children? Men finding it harder to be satisfied with their real world partners; women feeling inadequate and pressured to live up to the cyber-competition – this is the reality of pornland. So which is it – the great liberator of the libido or a blight on human intimacy?

http://www.citizenlink.com/2012/01/27/all-men-look-at-pornography-right/

Get The Facts

Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin Books.

Boeringer, S. B. (1994). Pornography and Sexual Aggression: Associations of Violent and Nonviolent Depictions with Rape and Rape Proclivity. Deviant Behavior 15, 3: 289–304.

Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 57–68). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute

Hald, G. M., Malamuth, N. M., and Yuen, C. (2010). Pornography and Attitudes Supporting Violence Against Women: Revisiting the Relationship in Nonexperimental Studies. Aggression and Behavior 36, 1: 14–20

Ohbuchi, K. I., et al. (1994). Effects of Violent Pornography Upon Viewers’ Rape Myth Beliefs: A Study of Japanese Males. Psychology, Crime, and Law 7, 1: 71–81

Weisz, M. G. and Earls, C. (1995). The Effects of Exposure to Filmed Sexual Violence on Attitudes Toward Rape. Journal of Interpersonal Violence 10, 1: 71–84

Milburn, M., Mather, R., and Conrad, S. (2000). The Effects of Viewing R-Rated Movie Scenes that Objectify Women on Perceptions of Date Rape. Sex Roles 43, 9 and 10: 645–64; Weisz, M. G. and Earls, C

Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 57–68). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute

[12] Barak, A., Fisher, W. A., Belfry, S., and Lashambe, D. R. (1999). Sex, Guys, and Cyberspace: Effects of Internet Pornography and Individual Differences on Men’s Attitudes Toward Women. Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality 11, 1: 63–91.

Allen, M., Emmers, T., Gebhardt, L., and Giery, M. A. (1995). Exposure to Pornography and Acceptance of the Rape Myth. Journal of Communication 45, 1: 5–26.

[4] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 57–68). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Berkel, L. A., Vandiver, B. J., and Bahner, A. D. (2004). Gender Role Attitudes, Religion, and Spirituality as Predictors of Domestic Violence Attitudes in White College Students. Journal of College Student Development 45:119–131; Allen, M., Emmers, T., Gebhardt, L., and Giery, M. A. (1995). Exposure to Pornography and Acceptance of the Rape Myth. Journal of Communication 45, 1: 5–26.

[2] Boeringer, S. B. (1994). Pornography and Sexual Aggression: Associations of Violent and Nonviolent Depictions with Rape and Rape Proclivity. Deviant Behavior 15, 3: 289–304; Check, J. and Guloien, T. (1989). The Effects of Repeated Exposure to Sexually Violent Pornography, Nonviolent Dehumanizing Pornography, and Erotica. In D. Zillmann and J. Bryant (Eds.) Pornography: Research Advances and Policy Considerations (pp. 159–84). Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates; Marshall, W. L. (1988). The Use of Sexually Explicit Stimuli by Rapists, Child Molesters, and Non-Offenders. Journal of Sex Research 25, 2: 267–88.