Hilarious Out-of-Context Scriptures
Whether it’s through changing cultures, mistranslations, sly puns, or simply pulling a verse out of context, the scriptures can be full of verses that sound quite funny to our modern ear.
Here are some of our favorites:
I love giving my wife Biblical compliments, like when I say I love her more than rubies. But for some reason, she didn’t like my compliment from Song of Solomon 6:5 “Thy hair is as a flock of goats that appear from Gilead.”
I’ve always thought Johnny Lingo’s cow for women trade seemed a little crass. But at least it was better than David who traded two hundred foreskins for his wife.
There’s also Rebekah whose reaction to seeing her future husband Isaac was decidedly modern in Genesis 24:64. “And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she lighted off the Camel.”
Sometimes during Sacrament meeting, I will really struggle to focus on a talk. But it never got so bad as it did to Eutychus, who was put to sleep by Paul’s sermon and turned up dead. I should probably pay better attention.
I’m not sure what I’d expect if I ever had a Heavenly vision, but I know I wouldn’t expect to see what Zechariah did. As soon as he started the vision, he “lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a flying roll.” The only time I see flying rolls is when we fight at Thanksgiving.
One young man was struggling when he opened his Bible and read the first passage he saw, assuming God would let me know what to do. I got Hosea 1:2 “Take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms.”
Here’s Galatians 6:11, “See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!”
3 Nephi 3:7
I like where Abinidi goes into the city in disguise, and immediately blows his cover by announcing, “the Lord said unto me, Abinidi…”
Jeremiah 4:19
put Ether 14:23 on the front of a Bathroom door…
“And the scent thereof went forth upon the face of the land, even upon all the face of the land; wherefore the people became troubled by day and by night, because of the scent thereof.”
Zechariah 2:6 “Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the Lord: for I have spread you abroad as the four winds of the heaven, saith the Lord.”
Luke 12:19
“And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry.”
“In the land of the Chaldeans, at the residence of my fathers, I, Abraham, saw that is was needful for me to obtain another place of residence.”
D&C 52:14
“And again, I will give unto you a pattern in all things, that ye may not be deceived; for Satan is abroad in the land”
Proverbs 17:17
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.