A Million Ways to Die at Church (Okay 8)

Apparently, there are “A Million Ways to Die in the West.” While this post isn’t meant to recommend the movie, which family-friendly reviewers warn contains crude humor, we’d like to apprise everyone of the many dangers of your neighborhood meetinghouse. Here are the top 8 ways to meet your demise within your chapel walls:

8. Refreshments

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Donuts (blessed or unblessed) contain chemicals known to the State of California to cause heart disease.

7. Funeral potatoes

You are what you eat. What can I say more?

6. Talk anxiety

Thump…thump…thump…combined with those donuts, you’ve really got some heart issues coming.

5. Boredom

It happens to the best of us.

4. Jumping off the stage

…without a parachute of course. Remember those days?

3. Playing in the dark in the gym

“Where are you?” “Ouch! There you are!” Every kids dream, every parent’s nightmare.

2. Tripping on a nursery toy

Apparently, the Church wasn’t a party to the 1997 UN Convention banning land mines.

1. Church Basketball

Enough said.