A Return to Reverence Part II-Helping Youth Embrace Reverence

The Struggle to Embrace Reverence

Many of our youth today struggle more than in times past, with not only Reverence, but Respect; for themselves, others, and the world around them.  As they search for the answers to who they are as individuals, they also deal with the changes they are going through physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Is it any wonder they rebel against authority, the institutions of religion, education and government, let alone home life and parents?

As children, adults can mold them, teach them, care for them and persuade them to do what is right—most of the time.  As they become teens and young adults, we have less influence on them.  They become alien creatures.

In the rare moments, they allow us, we catch glimpses of the beautiful individuals we know them to be, and we find glimmers of hope that all is not lost. They are still in there; somewhere.

These are the moments we prepare and wait for.  Not preaching moments, but  teaching moments.

It’s a special adult who can look beyond trends of worldly self-expression in hairstyle, dress and attitude to the child of God that exists inside. To the individual, who knows what’s right and believes it, but who may be struggling to make it all fit into their world of confusion.

The key to helping youth embrace reverence in their lives, and thrive on it as they grow, is Love.  Love and acceptance of who they really are; right now, right this minute; not what they were yesterday, or even tomorrow.  But, right this instant.  Wise adults realize they may only have one instant to make a pitch for reverence and respect.  If they wait, the moment will be gone.

What can adults do to help  the youth accept and embrace a spirit of reverence?

1.  Reverence for Self and Others

For Their Bodies:

Teens abhor advice, for the most part from parents.  They tend to take it as criticism, which all too often it is.  Teens are going through experimental mode—trying to find and develop themselves as unique individuals; by ‘fitting in’.  It’s twisted thinking, but we’ve all been there.

As parents of teens, if we’ve taught them respect and reverence in our homes from infancy, we stand a far better chance of restraining rebelliousness and regaining ground when they make mistakes.

If we haven’t taught them correct principles, we have failed them, not the other way around!

We are counseled in Mosiah 4:14-15 and in other scriptures, about how to treat and teach our children.  Condemnation is on our heads, if we do not.

Developing respect for their bodies, should be taught from the beginning.  Dress codes of modesty set in place and attitudes of reverence for what our bodies are capable of doing for us maintained throughout childhood.  As teens bodies develop and mature, they easily become confused about strong physical feelings and emotions that play an important part in becoming adults.

If we’ve taught our youth to respect those God given feelings and emotions, by our good examples in marriages, and our treatment of self and others, they’ll have formulated a secure and positive outlook about themselves and their roles as young men and women.

When we teach the importance of proper times and places for these feelings, and that it’s within the bounds of marriage God has prescribed, they’ll hopefully stay on moral high ground and resist temptations of  sexual immorality, profanity, pornography, gender confusion issues and harmful substance use and abuse.

With the world’s prevailing attitude that, ‘I’m free to be me—no matter what’, our teens are bombarded with conflicting messages.

As they search for themselves, we need to constantly remind them they truly are the Children of a loving Father in Heaven.  Sent here as male and female, they each have special, sacred roles to fill.  Gender roles are important parts of Heavenly Father’s Plan of Exaltation for His children.

We each come to earth with the body we will have for eternity if we live up to His commandments and our covenants.

By strictly following the guidelines spelled out in ‘For the Strength of the Youth’ and from General Conference talks, Young Men and Women’s Handbooks and most importantly the Scriptures, our teens can stay on the straight and narrow path, and still leave room for individuality and self-expression to blossom in a positive way.

Suggestions for staying close to your teen are:

• Don’t be their best friend,  They have enough; they need a parent.
• Don’t smother them.  If they make smaller mistakes now and suffer consequences, they’ll be less likely to make bigger ones later.
• Give firm guidelines, boundaries and expectations; but don’t make every decision for them.
• Let them know you enjoy the person they are becoming, as they are right now.
• Stay positive; tell them you appreciate their efforts when they show respect and reverence.
• Stay firm in your resolve.  Keep boundaries in place, but leave avenues of communication open!  Be available to talk when they need to.

For Their Minds:

Social Media and technology play an important role in the lives of young people, parents must stay ever vigilant to Satan’s traps.  Teens can quickly be caught up in things of an immoral nature and if ground rules are not laid out in advance, we might as well be throwing them to the wolves ourselves.

Here’s a few ideas:

1. Set expectations and rules of media and technology usage for both your home and use away from it.
2. Learn about technology and monitor their usage.
3. Have them use technology around the rest of the family, but allow quiet time for homework without distractions.
4. Set time limits for phones, gaming, etc.
5. If your teen has a part-time job; have them help pay the bill.  They’ll learn respect for money!  We should not GIVE them EVERYTHING. We should provide learning opportunities.
6. Be consistent in your expectations.
7. If they make wrong choices there should be consequences to pay.

This practice is consistent with the Lord’s laws and His gift of free agency.  With either good or bad choices, there are blessings we enjoy or consequences we must suffer.   Teens need to learn this principle.

What they allow into their minds, what they choose to think about, and how they choose to use it, all affects decisions they must make when faced with moral dilemmas on a daily basis.  Teach them to stand for all that is good and right; to not fear, but  put their ‘trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good'(D&C 11:12).

Show teens by example, what’s appropriate for their minds, with good literature, music, media and scriptures.  Live the 13th Article of Faith for their sake and yours.

For Their Spirits:

As the world deluges our youth with mixed messages, misinformation and falsehoods, we must not fail them; allowing them to struggle through it alone.  We must tell them right from wrong, show them by living as we want them to live.  Their spirits are fragile and easily damaged.

We are not promised that our children will pass through these years unscathed.  We can take heart if we have taught them correctly in their youth, when they are old they shall not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).  We’re all here to gain knowledge by our experiences in life.

Teens are no exception.

As bodies and minds grow, so do their spirits. Sometimes taking leaps and bounds, and at others it’s as if they’ve retreated to the dark ages. Don’t give up on them.  Preaching, haranguing, criticizing, condemning, and withholding love and acceptance won’t work.  It’ll only drive them further away, especially if they are already on the wrong road.

When working with teens try these ideas:

• Find common ground; build and teach from there.
• Talk to them as adults—One to One.  Never in front of their friends!
• Don’t allow home to become a battle ground.  It’s not about your will versus theirs—it’s about love, understanding and reverence by showing love, respectful action and attitude.  It starts with us as adults.
• Give them respect and expect it in return.
• Show reverence yourself and expect them to follow suit.
• Show love and they might just surprise you!  Their spirits are still full of the child-like love they had.  It sometimes can’t get through all the teenage angst.
• Talk to other parents; find out how they handle certain situations.

Teenagers are hungry creatures, for real food, food for the mind and food for the spirit.  They may deny it, but their souls demand it because they are seeking.  They may not realize what they’re looking for: but it’s basis is the search for Self, who they are , where they come from, where they are going and what they will become.

We need to feed our youth.  Every chance we get.

2.  At Home, at School, at Play

Home as a Haven, not a Hostel:

If our homes are havens we find teens congregating there.  If they feel welcome, accepted and appreciated they will come and bring friends, strangers, and strays.  If they feel loved they will all stay.  If not, our homes will become like overnight hostels, where they pop in and out at will, graze, drop their belongings and disappear to wherever other teens congregate; places they shouldn’t be.

The feeling of belonging begins during early childhood.  When welcomed, loved and free to be themselves, growing without judgement and criticism, within set boundaries where they feel safe, they’ll stick around as teens.

Fill the fridge and cupboards with snacks and appropriate drinks, cabinets with choice media and games, and shelves with good music for them to chose from.

Make space for them, and THEY WILL COME, STAY, LEARN and BLOSSOM !

School and Other Institutions of Learning:

Some teens love learning others don’t.  School is however, a social place, where more than academic learning takes place.  Relationships and social skills are developed, discovery of attributes and talents found and fine tuned, within a structured atmosphere that’s supposed to keep them safe.

It can be safe, but for a few teens it may become a place where they quickly stray.  Not due to school, but because of the people they meet.

It’s here, unfortunately, where too many children find belonging with others who haven’t a strong moral structure.  It’s vital we know who our children’s friends and associates are; who they hang around and spend time with.  We need to know their activities, and where and how they’re spending their time.

The choices in curriculum our teens make will affect the direction they go as they mature, find out who they are and what they want to become.

If challenged in school work, they find they can succeed with the right amount of encouragement from us. If they find boredom and discontent they may search for inappropriate ways and means to fill the void.

By attending seminary during their day, we know teens are getting at least one additional spiritual meal per day and are associating with others and building good connections.   Chapter 1 of 2 Peter tells us ‘that through the knowledge of Him (our Savior) we might be partakers of the Divine Nature’.

Where better for our youth to be taught the things that pertain to the knowledge of Him and His Divine Nature than home and church institutions of learning.

Social Situations and Peer Pressure:

When a parent knows their child, their friends and the activities they are involved in, they are better able to help their child make appropriate choices when it comes to their social activities.

Peer pressure can be extreme during formative years, so much so that friends can have far greater influence on choices that are made.  If a teen becomes romantically attached and hasn’t developed strong morals, values and self esteem, the effects of poor choices can become life altering mistakes.

Teens need to develop:

• Strong value systems, built in childhood, with decisions already set into place help them stand firm when faced with enormous peer pressure.
• Secure foundations of self esteem help ground them as they form strong bonds with others, allowing them to retain respect for themselves, other teens and adults.
• Ways to exhibit attitudes of reverence for their bodies, minds and spirits, without being afraid to show affection or emotion; and to talk about their feelings without fear of ridicule.
• Positive attitudes toward work.  An attitude of entitlement will not help them succeed in the real world.  They need to know how to work.
• Strong testimonies of their own will carry them into their adult lives and continue to grow.

Social gatherings are very important to teens.  If they have a strong sense of security and know we hold the other end of the proverbial rope to pull them to safety, should they need it, they’ll better navigate through the muddy waters of temptation and social events. If faced with a choice of integrity or immorality, they’ll be less likely to falter.

3.    Sacred Settings

Church Meetings, Seminary and Institute:

Regular attendance for youth is imperative; for spiritual learning and social atmosphere where they find others with like values. It fills the need for belonging.  Learning can be facilitated actively and passively, and they’ll remain more open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Teens learn the principles of respect and reverence by attending church sponsored functions in addition to Sunday meetings.  If surrounded by like-minded individuals, attitudes about these principles translate into action.  Through contact with others who have goals and dreams, they will adopt new and higher goals for themselves.

Education, marriage and relationships, missions and being worthy to attend the temple to attain eternal blessings become important to teens, when peers are striving for the same things.

They will feel less isolated and become closer to the spirit, family members and good friends.

Dedicated and caring youth leaders are very important to the success of raising teens through these difficult years.  Many a surprised adult, who was leery of working with the youth, has learned how great and fun they are to be around.  Their insights and personalities are refreshing and delightful.

Respect is found on both sides.

The Sacrament and Sacrament Meeting:

Young men have the opportunity, if worthy, to prepare, bless and pass the Sacrament to the rest of the congregation;  a blessing for them and us.  What an opportunity for the young women, to see them learn and perform their priesthood duties in preparation for later responsibilities as leaders and fathers!

This is the ultimate time for the spirit of reverence to be felt, shared and absorbed.  How many of us have taken a moment to thank them for the example they set each Sunday?

Partaking of the Sacrament and the Spirit throughout the entire meeting from opening hymn to benediction should fill our souls with a spirit so strong we long to take it with us for the rest of the week .  Too often, by midweek we’ve lost much of the reverence we felt there.  By the end of the week, if we are receptive to the Holy Spirit, we’ve striven to keep it through scripture study, prayer and constant determined effort to hang on to it.

The Adversary works hard to derail and distract us every way He can.  Our youth feel His efforts even more than we do.

They do battle hourly!  They have such strong souls and we must applaud them for remaining true when they try putting the principles of reverence and respect into their lives.

We must help them remain focused keeping the feelings they experience and take with them from Sacrament Meeting, by our own daily efforts.

Building a Testimony and Temple Worship:

Gaining a testimony happens during our youth, when we begin to question what we believe in.  This is part of the Lord’s plan to help us become converted to Him.  Not to the church, or to anyone in it; but, to our Savior.

The Gospel is perfect; the church true.  The Saints, not so much— that’s why we are here; to learn through our own experience.

We’re here to gain a testimony of the Divinity of our Savior and the plan of Redemption and His Atonement.  Setting a goal to attend the Temple and receive the blessings found there should be a desire for every teen.  Teens now have more opportunities to attend the Temple to do vicarious work there than ever before.  They need our encouragement.

How can we show them the way, if we don’t share our testimonies and attend the Temple often?  How can we expect them to gain respect for, develop and embrace an attitude of reverence for the sacredness of testimony and Temples if we do not live the principles ourselves?

By showing our youth how to, and leading the way as Latter-Day Saint Adults in Returning to Reverence.

One of the best scriptures and counsel given for teaching our youth the principle of reverence and all it entails is found in Alma 37:33-37.

…O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God…”