No, You Don’t Know How to Talk to Single Adults

Chances are, you know a single adult but you don’t know how to talk about ‘their situation.’ In an effort to eliminate the seemingly inevitable awkwardness, I’m here to address your concerns.

1. You can ask me if I’m dating someone

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I take great joy in your clever tactics in asking me if I’m dating someone. “I heard that boys at your university have a hard time asking girls out. Is that true?” or “Are you getting a lot of your meals paid for by the opposite sex?” While these tactics are humorous, there is no need to beat around the bush. Feel free to ask me this question: “Are you dating anyone?”

2. I’m cool with set-ups

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I’ll probably ask for his name and consequently stalk his Facebook page, but unless you’re setting me up with a certified creep, I’m happy to get to know someone new. However, speaking of certified creeps, please don’t set me up with someone just because you know that “he doesn’t date much and just needs a date.” If that’s the case, let’s just hang out.

3. I’m genuinely happy that my loved ones are getting married

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Many of my friends, relatives, mission companions, and others are tying the knot. Some are even having babies. And I couldn’t be happier for them. Yep. It’s true. I’m not jealous or bitter, I’m purely happy. Don’t avoid telling me your happy news in fear of making me depressed. I don’t know if I can emphasize it enough: I am incredibly happy for you.

4. Just because you’re a single male and I’m a single female doesn’t mean I’m dying to marry you

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I’m not some kind of hungry lioness pouncing on every fresh piece of meat in my domain. If neither of us have interest in dating each other, we can be friends. (PSA to my married friends: Just because I’m friends with single males doesn’t mean we’re bound to get married. “Why don’t you just marry ____? He’s single like you.” Yeah, hard pass.)

5. I’m tired of being offered dating advice

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Your advice isn’t as helpful as you think. Let’s pretend like we’re on our way to a bookstore in search of specific novels. When we arrive, you see your book in the front window. But I don’t see my book in the front window. I don’t even see my book on the shelves. I welcome your aid in finding my book but please don’t tell me to look in the front window. Our paths to companionship will likely differ.

6. The worst advice you can give me is to “be myself”

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While I’m hoping you mean to tell me that ‘myself’ is good enough, the comment is rather demeaning. Nope, I’m not a hormone crazed teen, searching to be someone besides myself (teens, I know that not all of you fit that stereotype. Forgive me). I’m mature enough to know that being myself is vital in finding someone who is compatible with me.

7. Being treated as an ‘almost adult’ is pretty insulting

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I’m quite confident that I can provide an equally stimulating conversation as those who are married. Fitting the married stereotype, I know how to budget, I don’t party on the weekend, I go to bed at a reasonable hour, my parents don’t pay for my livelihood…I’m not any less adult than the espoused. So please treat me as such.

8. I don’t take seriously your diagnoses for my singledom

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“You’re probably single because…” Apparently only perfect people get married. If you have a flaw, you’ll persist in singleness. That’s why every marriage is perfect. Except for every marriage. Sure, give me advice as to possible improvements in my character. But please don’t tell me that my flaws are holding me back from marriage.

9. If you tell me that I’m too intimidating, I’ll probably give you a half-smile

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Why? Well, I feel like your comment implies that 1) I have ambitious goals that are difficult to live up to or 2) I come across as rude or judgmental. If it’s the latter, you’re right, I need to change. But if it’s the former, those things likely won’t change. If someone is intimidated by a woman with lofty goals, it’s not me who needs to change.

10. I don’t cry in my apartment every night

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Perhaps surprisingly, I don’t have much time to wallow in the woes of singledom. My days are filled with a whole range of activities and events. I don’t think I’d be able to mope around all day long even if I wanted to. (Okay, if there’s ice cream in the fridge and it’s Valentine’s Day, I’ll probably watch a chick flick and shed a tear or two. Or three.)

11. The single life isn’t lucky

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I can’t tell you how many times I’m told that I’m “lucky to be single and have so much freedom.” I’m grateful for your attempt to sympathize with me and while I can imagine that the freedom is nice every now and then, I do want to be married. As an avid adventurer, I hope to one day find my buddy who will adventure through life with me.

What about my fellow single adults? Do you agree with these points or do yours differ? Let me know in the comments below!