The 11 Stages of the Returned Missionary
We all know that return missionaries go through a bit of an awkward stage when they get back home. After serving God for two years, they are back in the “real world” and may have the trouble doing basic things like speaking English, wearing jeans, and even hugging. No worries! This article gives you the reverse MTC details, covering the many stages of the returned missionary.
1. Hugs
Fact: return missionaries have difficulty hugging people, especially if they are the opposite gender. This is especially troubling since everyone you know is going to be hugging you now that you are back. How do you get over giving awkward hugs? Start small by hugging members of your family for practice. For more tips and information on hugs, visit the rmtc’s article “Hugs but not Kisses.”
2. Climate Change
Depending on where you served your mission, some return missionaries may be shivering at 90 degrees or melting at 30 now that they are unaccustomed to their home climate. There lips may chap in 80% humidity or they get sunburns on cloudy days. The tricks here are sunscreen or chap stick and wearing sweaters in the summer or shorts in the winter.
3. Social Media, What’s That?
Return missionaries haven’t logged into their Twitter account in two years and may struggle with retweeting or forget what Pinterest is all about. To relearn the ropes of the social media world, have your wise, younger siblings guide you through the digital depths of the internet. Once they remember how to use social media, return missionaries can implement the skills they developed in the field to share the gospel online, such as through the ways taught in LDS Share.
4. Shorts and Jeans and T-Shirts, Oh My!
Unless you get a job at the bank, you will probably only wear the suit or skirt on Sundays now. Though you may suffer from button-up shirt withdrawals at first, your next worry will be your lack of knowledge on what’s in style now. The rmtc’s Style Cheat Sheet will help you know what’s in and what’s not and how to wear it well.
5. Food, Glorious Food
If you have served foreign and acquired a taste for chocolate-covered cockroaches or haggis, then good for you. But you can’t deny that you really wanted a hot dog during those two years of chowing down on sheep’s stomach. So indulge yourself a little and get some of the grease-soaked goodness that is fast food.
6. Language Barrier
No one can deny that having an accent is cool. But if you are still speaking in a heavy Scottish brogue 6 months after you’ve gotten home, then you might start to annoy people (because you aren’t really Scottish). If you can’t get rid of the accent or if you keep slipping into your mission language, then the solution is simple: buy a Rosetta Stone for your native language.
7. Desire to Ride a Bike Everywhere
Riding bicycles can be enjoyable and a great form of exercise. But if you are going from Idaho to Utah and back on two wheels every weekend so your Mom can do you laundry . . . well that might be pushing it. It is okay to use a car to travel, you don’t have to bike everywhere you go now.
8. Culture Clash
Wait, we don’t wash our clothes by the river on a rock anymore? Weird. Things that you have gotten used to on your mission are not going to be the same at home and you will have to adjust. But if it makes you feel better, I’m sure people won’t judge you if you eat you spaghetti with chopsticks or bow instead of shaking hands for the first couple of months.
9. Movie Catch-Up Nights
You have missed two years of great movies! Ask around and compile a list of the must-see flicks that came out while you were gone. Pop some popcorn, munch on the candy, go to your home theater, and click the “play” button.
10. The Dating Game
Gulp. Dating? Yup, its going to happen a lot now that you are back and glowing with the spirit. Don’t worry about it though. Just be yourself and tell you date about your mission. Start with group dates. It will be like a pair of sister missionaries and a pair of elders are going out to teach, except you will be miniature golfing instead. If you are having trouble with just asking someone out, visit the rmtc’s article “The RM’s Ultimate Guide to Asking a Girl Out.”
11. What Do I Do Now?
Often, return missionaries come back home and realize that they don’t know what to do with themselves. They can’t go tracting anymore (well, they can if they really want to), so they sit at home watching TV. It is important for missionaries to get off the couch and do something. Go to school, get a job, just get out of the house.
For further advice on adjusting to the customs and rituals of the “real world” that was once your home, visit The Return Missionary Training Center website.
