Transcript for Elizabeth Smart’s Remarks at John Hopkins University

Thank you so much for allowing me to come and speak with you today. I’m very honored to be here and it’s been very educational and inspiring for me to listen to all of the previous speakers. I was a little girl, like many others. I came from a great family. I’d even venture to say the best family, in the world, but that’s me. I grew up in Salt Lake City and I was a student at Bryant Intermediate Junior High school when one night I went home and I went to bed, a room that I shared with my sister and I fell asleep. And the next voice I heard was that of a stranger standing over me, with a knife at my neck, pulling on my arm to get me out of bed saying, “I have a knife at your neck, don’t make a sound. Get up and come with me.”

I remember immediately getting up and going with him because for him to get all the way upstairs into my bedroom, he must of hurt my family, he must have done something! I have four brothers! Surely, one of them must of heard something! My parents; we have that squeaky stair in our house that every house has, that anytime you try to sneak anywhere, my parents hear. I think we have a couple of those squeaky stairs but nobody heard. I felt like I didn’t have a choice in that moment, the only thing I did know was that my younger sister, Mary Katherine, was still alive and asleep next to me in bed and I didn’t know what would happen to her if I didn’t go with him. So I remember he brought me far back up into the mountains behind my house, where I was brought inside a tent, forced to change out of my pajamas into long robes just like the ones he had on. And then, he came in and told me that I was now his wife and that God had commanded him to do this to me. He then turned on me and raped me on the floor of the tent and I’ll never forget how I felt lying there on the ground. I felt like my soul had been crushed. I felt like I wasn’t even human anymore, how could anybody want me or love me or want me or care about me? I felt like life had no more meaning to it and that was only the beginning of my nine months of captivity.

Through those 9 months, I didn’t know if I’d ever see my family again. I remember on that first day of being kidnapped and raped, I remember thinking of my parents and after realizing that they would still love me, that just because I’d been chained, just because I’d been kidnapped, just because all these things had happened to me, that wouldn’t change their love. And I feel so fortunate in that I was able to realize that, because of that realization that I was able to make the decision that no matter what I had to do, no matter how many personal goals, morals, or standards I had to break, I would do it if it meant that I would survive. If it meant that one day I would be reunited with my parents again. And that decision saw me through alot and I can’t tell you that I always knew that one day I would survive,and  one day I would be back at home, I certainly always hoped and wished it but there were days when I thought, I cannot stand another second of this. I cannot make it through another day, I would just rather die. I had plenty of days like that, but somehow, time passes. No matter how much we don’t want it to or want it to, it has that funny way of continually moving and on March 12 of 2003, about 10 years ago, I was rescued.

I’ll never forget the police officers pulling up around us and jumping out of thier cars and coming over to questions u. And finally one of the officers saying, “I think we need to question her alone.” And then pulling me aside and questioning me, I was able finally to tell them that I was Elizabeth Smart. I’ll never forget when I was brought to one of the suburb police stations and brought to a small tiny room and  left alone wondering, “Geez! Do they think that I did something wrong? Maybe they keep me here because they think that I’m at fault. Maybe they’re gonna send me to prison! Well, you know, compared to with where I’ve been, prison doesn’t sound that bad so whatever happens, circumstances can only go up.” And while I was thinking these thoughts, the door flew open and there was my dad. And I knew that nobody would be able to hurt me in the way that my two captors had ever again. I knew that I would be protected and that he would always love me. I knew my mom would too when I was eventually reunited with her. I look back on that day as one of the happiest days of my life.

But since that day, I’ve been able to go out, and I’ve had the incredible opportunity to be able to speak to audiences across the nation and to be able to share parts of my story  and work on issues I feel so strongly about. And I have to tell you, one of the questions that is most commonly asked me, “Well why didn’t you run away? Why didn’t you yell? Why didn’t you scream?” The answer’s very simple. I was scared. I was petrified. I had been told every day while I was kidnapped, “If you try to run away, or If you scream, or if you yell, or you do something we don’t want you to do, we will kill you. And if we don’t kill you, we will kill your family.” Now to me, I’d watched them kidnap me,  I’d watched them chain me, I’d watched them chain me, I’d watch them rape me, I’d watch them abuse me for so long, that what was going to stop them from killing me. What was going to stop them from killing my family? And my family is my biggest weakspot. I think it’s everyone’s biggest weakspot. You ask what most important to the majority of people they will tell you, it is their family. So I couldn’t stand to think that because of something I did, or something I didn’t do, my family had suffered for it. So I always did what my captors told me to do and thats why I never ran, never yelled, or never screamed. There were a couple times I did try but, they were unsuccessful.

But looking back, I don’t regret a single decision I made. I don’t regret not speaking when yes, I was confronted with policemen, they were questioning my captor. I watched him lie straight to their face, and watched them turn around, 100% believing him and walk away. I don’t regret not yelling or not screaming. Do I wish I’d had been rescued? If I could’ve shortened my captivity, my kidnapping by anything, I certainly would’ve done that. But I don’t regret not screaming because I did what I felt I had to. I think one of the most important things we can talk about is prevention because I think there are things we can do to prevent that.

For me, having, if I had been taught in school early on, more than just don’t get into strange cars, don’t take candy from strangers, or don’t look for lost puppies. If I’d been taught more, I think perhaps I would’ve been a little bit more prepared. And I think the younger we can educate children, the better it is. Today on my way from the airport here, I went to the news website, and I looked at it and there was an article about a man in Ohio that was just executed because he had killed his girlfriend’s daughter, 6 months old, by raping her. And I think thats just proof that we can’t start young enough in helping to educate children, in helping to prepare them, because as much as we’d like to be there all the time for them, we won’t. I think that’s one of the greatest thing we could possibly do is to educate children.

But back to my question of why didn’t you run or why didn’t you scream? I think it goes even beyond fear. For so many children, especially in sex-trafficking, it’s feelings of self worth. It’s feel like who would ever want me now. I’m worthless. That was, that is what it was for me the first time I was raped. I was raised in a very religious household, one that taught that sex was something special that only happened between a husband and wife who loved each other. And that’s what I’d been raised. That’s what I’d always been determined to follow that when I got married, then and only then would I engage in sex. And so for that first rape, I felt crushed, Who could want me now? I felt so dirty and so filthy. I understand so easily, all to well, why someone wouldn’t run because of that alone. I mean if you can imagine, the most special thing being taken away from you, and feeling like that, not that that was your only value in life, but something that devalued you. Can you imagine turning around and going back into society where you are no longer of value? Or you’re no longer as good of everybody else.

I remember in school one time, I had a teacher who was talking about, well, about abstinence. Imagine you’re a stick of gum and when you engage in sex, that’s like getting chewed. And then if you do that lots of times, you’re gonna become an old piece of gum and who’s gonna want you after that?” Well, thats terrible! Nobody should ever say that. But for me, I thought, ” Oh my gosh. I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody rechews a piece of gum, you throw it away.” And that’s how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value. So I think that, first of all, probably not asking “well why didn’t you run?”, I think that’s a good place to start and we weren’t in that situation and we don’t know why they didn’t run. We don’t know the circumstances and we’re all so different, we really don’t have a right to ask that question in my opinion.

But I think also the best thing we can do is to educate young people, as young as we can reach them.I know math and science and reading are important. But when it comes down to it, is being able to do your times tables, is that gonna stop you form being trafficked? Is that gonna stop you from being kidnapped? Is that gonna stop you from being hurt and abused and maybe even murdered? Probably not. But if you’re given choices, if you’re given skills, but if you’re given permission to fight back, to know that you are of value and to know that you don’t have to live your life that way. You don’t have to do what other people tell you. That you have value and you always will have value, nothing can change that, then thats what we should be doing. And so with that I would just like to end with a quote by Mother Teresa that I think can apply to all of us. Not just kidnapping victims, not just sex-trafficking victims, but to all of us because I think that all of us need hope. Whether it’s in the jobs we do where we have to go everyday and see terrible crimes happen and knowing that we can’t reach people fast enough or something could’ve [been] prevented but wasn’t. Whatever it is, maybe it’s just something silly, maybe its in your home life or whatever but, I think that we all need hope and I think this quote is perfect, and I’m gonna share it. Please forgive me if you don’t believe in God,  I do very much. But it’s simply that, “There’s nothing that God will give us that we can’t handle. Sometimes we all just wish He didn’t trust us so much.” But the ultimate thing is to remember, there’s nothing we can’t handle. We can always overcome it and we can pull together and make truly, this world a better and safer place so thank you so much for having me. I’m truly honored.